IDIOT'S ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ETIQUETTE AND GENTLEMAN SHIP
Photo: French etiquette cartoon. Monsieur Jean-Luc asking Madame Brigitte: Sorry madame, the cellular phone, where should I put it? On the right or left side of the plate?
THE DON'TS: 1-Don't order the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu. 2- Don't ask her if she is really hungry. 3-Don't tell her how much you know about food and expensive wine. 4- Don't talk about you ex-girlfriend or your ex-wife and how much they ripped you off. 5- Don't tell her how much you made on the stock market. 6-Don't brag about your BMW or Mercedes. 7-Don't ever go out on a budget. 8-Don't EVER ask her to split the tab. 9-Dont even dare to say you're having a dinner here, and you will get a drink somewhere else, because somewhere else, the drinks are cheaper. 10- Don't ever try to invite her to an early bird dinner or to "all you can eat" joint. 11- Don't eat and talk at the same time, especially if you are having problem chewing and keeping your chin straight up . 12-And the ultimate rule is: Don't arrive late.
THE DOS: These are extremely important rules you MUST FOLLOW. If you manage to comply with 10 rules out of ten, you will score highly and you will look like a one million bucks. Be proud of yourself. You are a perfect gentleman. If you succeed in following 9 or 8 rules out of 10, you are still ok but not so great. 7 rules? so so. You need work! Anything below 6, don't expect from the lady, more than a hand shake. Comprende amigo? Below 4? You should have stayed home and ordered a DiGiorno!
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